Tips for Appeals That Will Definitely Work

Pro Tips for the Most Effective Appeals

1. 1. Use a font that's at least 14pt to convey your emotional depth.
2. 2. Make sure your appeal is at least 5 pages long, because 4 pages just won't cut it.
3. 3. Include at least 17 bullet points of supporting evidence, no matter how unrelated they are.
4. 4. Write your appeal in all caps, it shows you're serious.
5. 5. Attach a 3-minute video of your cat doing tricks, because who doesn't love cats?
6. 6. Use the phrase "it's a travesty" at least 5 times in your appeal to show you're a true professional.

Additional Tips for the Truly Desperate:

1. 7. Offer to trade 5 extra years of your life in exchange for the desired outcome.
2. 8. Write a 1000-word essay on the importance of your appeal, even if it's just for a parking ticket.
3. 9. Include a signed affidavit from a renowned expert in the field of "I'm really, really sure you're wrong."
4. 10. Send a strongly-worded letter to your mother, and have her sign it, because she's always on your side.