Dear [Name],
We are writing to inform you that your request for permission to do anything has been received and is currently being reviewed by our highly trained team of experts.
Our team consists of 17 middle-aged men in ill-fitting pants and a rotating selection of clipboards, who will carefully deliberate on the merits of your request and provide a response in approximately 6-8 months.
During this time, you are welcome to submit additional paperwork, which we will promptly lose in the mailroom.
Please find attached a copy of the Appendix A: Bureaucratic Response Form for your reference.
We appreciate your patience and look forward to providing you with a response at some point in the future.
Sincerely,
John Doe, Bureaucratic Coordinator