Yoga Safety Guidelines: Because You're Not as Flexible as You Think

Welcome to the Bureaucratic Yoga Safety Guidelines, because, let's be real, you're probably going to hurt yourself.

Section 1: Pre-Flight Checks

  1. Ensure that you have sufficient flexibility to perform the chosen poses. If not, just wing it.
  2. Check that your mat is securely fastened to the floor. Don't be that person who slips over.
  3. Conduct a thorough examination of your back for any protruding discs or vertebrae.

Section 2: In-Flight Safety Protocols

  1. Avoid over-rotation, especially in downward-facing dog.
  2. Keep your arms and legs within the designated yoga studio footprint.
  3. Do not attempt to touch your nose to your knee.

Remember: if you're feeling dizzy, nauseous, or experiencing an intense sense of existential dread, STOP. Seriously, just stop.

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