Article I: The Right to be Woke
We, the People, hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men and women are created equal, except on Tuesdays, when we all wear funny hats and eat pizza.
Article II: The Right to be Rich
We, the People, believe that all citizens are entitled to an endless supply of avocado toast, craft beer, and participation trophies.
Article III: The Right to be Right
We, the People, affirm that the correct way to hold one's phone is with the correct angle of 17.5 degrees, and that the only acceptable music genre is 80s synth-pop.
Go to Subsection 2 for more declarations Go to Appendices for more fun