Employee Handbook: A Guide to Not Losing Your Mind

Welcome, new employees! Congratulations on joining our esteemed organization. We're glad you're here. Sort of.

The Bureaucratic Pyramid Scheme

Our organization is structured like a majestic, towering pyramid, with you at the base, sweating and toiling away. Don't worry, it's not just you. Everyone starts at the base.

The Chain of Command

Our chain of command is like a game of telephone, but with more shouting and less actual communication. Here's how it works:

CEO: The Great and Powerful One
CFO: The One Who Signs the Checks
CTO: The One Who Cries in the Dark
Everyone Else: The Ones Who Are Just Trying to Make It Out

Learn more about departmental politics

The Bureaucratic Alphabet

Here's a list of things you should know, but probably won't:

A: Always follow the procedure
B: Bring a chair to meetings
C: Coffee is not a substitute for actual work
D: Do not talk to the IT department without permission

Read the IT policy for more information