Employee Assistance Program

Welcome to the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) handbook. This is Chapter 7, covering all the ways we can help you deal with the crushing despair of working for us.

As an employee, you're entitled to:

• Up to 3 months of paid time off for your mental health
• A complimentary supply of antidepressants
• A 50% discount on all therapy sessions
• A free subscription to our Employee Assistance Program newsletter, which we're pretty sure is still in the process of being written

But wait, there's more! If you're experiencing:

prophets of dread and anxiety,

ประก of dread and anxiety,

or dread and anxiety, we have a team prophets, psychologists, and therapists on hand to help you through the existential crisisประก of being trapped in a cubicle.

Don't hesitate to contact us at Chapter 9: Employee Disability Benefits for more information on how to get your free subscription to our Employee Assistance Program newsletter.

Or, if you're feeling really down, visit our Employee Wellness Program for some tips on how to not lose your mind while stuck in a sea of paperwork and fluorescent lighting.

Or, if all else fails, just go home and stare at a wall for a while. We hear that's a good thing to do.