PENAL CODE 3456

Section 1: Don't Even Think About It

Article 1: Thou shalt not look at thy neighbor's cat.

Any repeated offenses shall be punished by forced watching of cat videos.

Section 2: Thou shalt not use the microwave for anything other than reheating last night's pizza.

Section 3: Thou shalt not talk to the vending machine with attitude.

Article 3: Thou shalt not use the words "I'm just saying" when you're actually saying something else.

Repeated offenses shall be punished by being forced to eat a week's worth of expired mayonnaise straight from the jar.

Appendix A: List of Officially Approved Condiments Punishment Chart