Comrade Vladimir's Genius Bureau of Unreasonable Requests

Comrade Vladimir, our self-proclaimed genius, has decreed the following policies:

Requests must be made in iambic pentameter, or they will be ignored.
All meetings will be conducted in a dimly lit, velvet-draped chamber.
Only approved snacks will be provided, including but not limited to: caviar, truffles, and artisanal cheeses.

Currently, we are experiencing a severe case of union-grievances. Please see below for details.