By signing below, you, the Adult Human, acknowledge that adulting is indeed very hard and that it's easier to just hand over all control and responsibility to us, the Buyout Corporation.
By signing this contract, you agree to give us, the Buyout Corporation, complete control over all aspects of your life, including but not limited to:
We, the Buyout Corporation, reserve the right to make all decisions and choices on your behalf, including but not limited to:
If you're still reading this, congratulations, you're probably a functioning member of society. Please sign below to begin your journey to a life of utter convenience.
Frequently Asked Questions (because you'll need help)