A shocking expose of the cable industry's darkest secrets!
Meet our intrepid journalist, Balthazar McSnazz, who risked it all for the truth!
The scandal involves a web of deceit, corruption, and... cover-ups!
Stay tuned for updates as this story unfolds, but be warned: the truth is paranoid and well-lobbied!
And don't miss our Special Report for the latest on this cablegate scandal!
The fate of our democracy hangs in the balance. Stay informed, stay vigilant, and stay Neo-Brutalist!
Or don't. We'll just be here, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and the truth to come out.
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