Dear valued employee,
It's that time of the year again: our annual report. I know, I know, you were all on the edge of your seats wondering what the future held for our esteemed company, John Doe Inc.
Well, wonder no more! After a year of modest growth, we're pleased to report that our profits are up 0.00001% over last year. Yes, it's a miracle!
We've also managed to just barely break even on our expenses, thanks to our innovative new system of "Financial Wizardry"!
As for our future plans, we're excited to announce that our next big move will be to... "Merge with our Arch Nemesis"! It's going to be a real nail-biter!
Thanks for your continued support, and we look forward to another year of "Year in Review"!
Sincerely,
CEO John Doe