What Our CEO Really Thinks

On our company picnic, the CEO was seen eating an entire pizza by himself.

-C.E.O.

He claims he was "researching the effects of cheese on employee morale."

Our CEO has a pet rock.

-C.E.O.

It's a great listener, and never complains about the state of the company.

The CEO is secretly a professional cage fighter.

-A trusted source.

Don't tell anyone, but he's really just a middle manager with a flair for the dramatic.