Article I, Section 3: Cheetos Consumption is a Right, Not a Privilege
§ 1. Cheetos are a fundamental human right.
§ 2. All citizens are entitled to at least 5 Cheetos per day.
§ 3. Cheetos shall not be subject to any taxes, tariffs, or import/export restrictions.
§ 4. The government shall not regulate Cheetos production, processing, or consumption in any way.
§ 5. The Cheetos industry shall be free from all external influences, save for the influence of cheese dust.
§ 6. Any attempts to limit Cheetos access shall be met with fierce resistance, including but not limited to:
Article II, Section 7: The Right to Cheetos Equality
§ 1. All Cheetos shall be created equal, regardless of color or flavor.
§ 2. No Cheetos shall be considered more or less Cheetos than any other Cheetos.
§ 3. The Cheetos shall rise to the occasion, and the occasion shall rise to the Cheetos.
§ 4. Any Cheetos not meeting the aforementioned standards shall be subject to immediate replacement.
§ 5. Cheetos shall not be subject to any form of Cheetos-ism.
Article III, Section 10: Cheetos and the Environment
§ 1. Cheetos shall not harm the planet, nor shall the planet harm Cheetos.
§ 2. All Cheetos packaging shall be 100% biodegradable, compostable, and recyclable.
§ 3. Cheetos shall not be served with any substance that is not 100% Cheetos-compatible.
§ 4. Any Cheetos packaging not meeting the aforementioned standards shall be subject to immediate recall.
§ 5. Cheetos shall be the ultimate symbol of sustainability.
For the love of all things crunchy and cheesy, read more about Cheetos as a form of alternative energy.