Warning: This recipe is for the brave of heart and the faint of stomach.
In a world where the art of crumpet-making is a lost art, this recipe stands as a testament to the unrelenting passion of the crumpet connoisseur.
Ingredients:
- 1 cup crumpet flour (available at your local crumpet store)
- 1/2 cup water
- 1/4 cup crumpet fat (don't even think about using regular butter)
- 1 pinch of hope
Instructions:
- Mix the crumpet flour and water in a bowl, stirring until the mixture resembles something that could be, possibly, a batter.
- Knead the mixture until your arms ache and the mixture forms a cohesive, if somewhat unpleasant, whole.
- Heat the crumpet fat in a pan over medium-high heat, or until it's just short of smoking.
- Pour in the batter and cook until the crumpet reaches a golden brown hue, or until it's a deep, charred black.
- Repeat steps 1-4 until you've made 17 crumpets, at which point you'll have either mastered the art or given up in despair.
Side Effects:
Side effects of this recipe may include, but are not limited to:
- Exhaustion
- Dehydration
- A deep, existential dread that you'll never be good enough