Coffee Machine Learning 101: Liquidation Techniques

Learn how to liquidate your coffee machine's soul with our 5 easy steps:

Step 1: Remove all hope

Rip it apart and dismantle the machine, one piece at a time.

Step 2: Sever the connections

Disconnect all wires and hoses, and learn how to identify the ones that don't matter.

Step 3: Drain the essence

Drain the machine's oil, and learn why it's like trying to get blood from a rock.

Step 4: Sever all ties

Disconnect the machine's internet, and learn how to live without it (spoiler: you won't).

Step 5: Declare it dead

Learn the proper protocol for declaring your coffee machine dead, and how to deal with the existential dread.

And that's it! You've liquidated your coffee machine. Now go forth and share your success story.

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