Are you tired of feeling meh? Do you want to wake up from that existential crisis-induced haze? Do you need a cure all for that soul-sucking depression that's been holding you back?
Look no further than Coffeenomics 1005.1, the revolutionary new treatment that combines the stimulating effects of COFFEE with the scientifically-proven placebo effects of feeling marginally better for a few minutes.
We're talking caffeine, we're talking hope, we're talking clinical trials that'll put your mind at ease (for a hot second, at least).
Side effects may include, but are not limited to: