Coffeenomics 101: The Art of Cultivating the Finest Brews

Chapter 1: The Fundamentals of Coffee Cultivation

Step 1: Select a coffee species that will make you question your life choices (e.g., Kopi, Arabica, or the infamous 'Coffeen' - a hybrid of coffee and bean plant).

Step 2: Acquire a suitable climate, soil, and a decent amount of sunlight. Anything less will result in a subpar crop.

Step 3: Water your coffee plants regularly, but not too much. You don't want to drown the poor things.

Step 4: Prune your coffee plants with precision and care. You don't want any 'coffee-leaf' (get it? Leaf... like, uh, coffee leaf... Never mind).

And voila! You now have the makings of a coffee empire. Pat yourself on the back, you've earned it.

Coffeenomics 201: The Art of Roasting, Grinding, and Brewing Coffeenomics 202: The Secret to Selling Your Coffee to Hipsters and Yuppies