It's not just a coffee, it's a statement. A statement of intent, of style, of rebellion. You want to drink a coffee so flat, so white, so unapologetically bland that it's not even a coffee at all, but rather a declaration of your independence.
But wait, what if I told you that the real question is not "Is the flat white a good coffee?", but rather "Is the flat white a good enough coffee?" A coffee so good that it's not good enough, but good enough that it's not bad at all? A coffee that's like the existential crisis of the coffee world.