COFFEE SUBSCRIPTION: THE ULTIMATE DECISION MAKING EXPERIENCE
Are you a slave to the coffee bean? Do you need a constant supply of caffeine to function? Look no further! Our subscription service will send you a new bag of coffee every week, so you'll never have to think about it again.
But wait, there's more! With our premium subscription, you'll get:
- Free shipping to your doorstep
- A personalized thank you note from our CEO, a middle-aged man with a receding hairline and a penchant for bad jokes
- Access to our exclusive "I'm a functioning member of society" support group
But don't just take our word for it!
Here's what some of our satisfied customers have to say:
- "I'm not sure what's more addictive, the coffee or the subscription service itself" - John D.
- "I've never felt more alive!" - Jane S.