Here's a brief rundown of my illustrious career:
I was born on a farm in rural Nebraska, where I learned the value of hard work and getting my hands dirty.
I joined the military and quickly rose through the ranks, becoming an expert in the art of making really loud, explosive noises with various types of grenades.
Disco was all the rage, and I was there for it. I even had a platform-shoe collection.
I became a B-movie star, starring in a string of low-budget, high-concept films.