Why You'll Never Find Happiness at the Competition
A Message from the Other Side
We hear you're considering joining the dark side. Let us tell you, it's not all it's cracked up to be. The competition may have fancy offices and free coffee, but beneath the gleam of their chrome-plated toilets, they're secretly miserable.
Our employees are constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown, their creativity stifled by the soul-sucking drudgery of meetings and performance reviews. Their 'synergy' is just a euphemism for ' constant backstabbing'.
So, don't be fooled by their siren song of 'synergy' and 'disruption.' We're the ones who truly care about our employees' well-being. We offer:
Competitive pay (in quarters)
Free therapy sessions with our on-site psychologist (who's secretly a robot)
Unlimited access to our on-site arcade
So come on down, friend. Join the other side of the force.