Consultation Fees for Idiots

Are you an idiot in search of an expert opinion? Look no further!

Our team of highly qualified, marginally competent professionals will guide you through the process of realizing you're an idiot.

Consultation fees start at a mere $500 per hour. That's right, you'll be paying $500 for someone to nod sympathetically and say "yes, that's a good idea."

Don't have any money? No problem! We also offer a layaway plan that will charge you triple the consultation fee plus interest.