Welcome, clients. We've got the deals that'll break your piggy bank.

Our "Deluxe" package includes:

One free hug
A complimentary existential crisis
A personalized to-do list filled with tasks that will inevitably get deleted in 5 minutes

Or, if you're feeling adventurous:

Our "Extreme" package includes:

Two free hugs
A complimentary existential crisis, plus a side of crippling self-doubt
A personalized to-do list that will inevitably get deleted in 5 minutes, plus a bonus task that will haunt you for the rest of your life

Our Guarantee: Because We're Not Lying (Much)