Teleportation Risks: The Unspoken Truths

Warning: Teleportation is not as safe as your local DMV's "I'm not responsible" sign. The following risks may apply to your person:

• Paradoxical Identity Theft
• Time-Traveling Tumors
• Gravitational Sunburn
• Telekinetic Accidents
• Sentient Objects
• Chrono-Displacement Syndrome