Breaking News: Local Woman Accused of Stealing Entire Jar of Peanut Butter
Details are still emerging, but sources close to the investigation report that a certain Jane Doe was overheard whispering sweet nothings to her jar of creamy delight.
When confronted, she allegedly claimed the peanut butter was "just really speaking to her," but experts say this is a classic case of "peanut butter-induced Stockholm syndrome."