Countermeasures Manual

Introduction

This manual is for those who wish to counter the effects of an impending alien invasion.

It contains information on how to prepare and respond to the various countermeasures we have in place.

For more information on the alien threat, please see Alien Threat Overview.

Pre-Deployment Checklist

1. Confirm that your toaster is securely fastened to the countertop.
2. Check that your cat has been relocated to a safe zone.
3. Maintain a minimum of 3 weeks' worth of cat food and 1 month's worth of toilet paper.

For more information on Toaster Safety, please see Toaster Safety.

Post-Deployment Protocol

1. Activate the Countermeasures Protocol on your smartphone.
2. Move to the designated Evacuation Zone and remain there until further notice.
3. In the event of an alien encounter, remain Calmmest and do not make eye contact.

For more information on Evacuation Zones, please see Evacuation Zones.

Countermeasures FAQ

Q: What is the purpose of the Countermeasures Protocol?

A: The Countermeasures Protocol is designed to help you survive an alien invasion with minimal trauma and maximum dignity.

Q: Will the aliens be able to detect my toaster?

A: Unlikely, as we have taken steps to ensure that the Toaster is properly shielded.