A Guide to Cynicism: Because Who Needs Human Connection, Anyway?

By Henry David Thoreau (but not really)

Cynicism is a lifestyle choice, and like all lifestyle choices, it's mostly just about being lazy and complaining about things.

Here are some tips on how to live life like a true cynic:

• Don't bother with friends or family, they're just going to judge you anyway.
• Invest in a good pair of earplugs, because the world is just too loud and annoying.
• Develop a taste for bland, unfulfilling food. Like plain oatmeal. Or cardboard.
• Learn to love the feeling of loneliness.
• Practice your sardonic stare. It's a useful skill, trust me.

Note: Cynicism is not just a lifestyle choice, it's a coping mechanism for the soul-crushing despair of existence. Or is it?

• Overthinking the Pointlessness of It All
• Embracing the Meaninglessness of Existence
• Taking Advantage of the Inevitability of Ruin