Debugging Your Existential Crises

Welcome to the ultimate guide for debugging those pesky existential crises that have been haunting you for weeks. Or years. Or decades.

Sub-Crises:

Are you experiencing a sub-crises? That's not a thing. Just go with "existential crisis".

Sub-Crisis of Identity - You're questioning who you are, but only after you just got back from your 10-year high school reunion.
Sub-Crisis of Meaning - You're searching for purpose, but only after you just spent $500 on a participation trophy.

Step 1: Acknowledge the Problem

Take a long, hard look in the mirror and scream "I'M A FAILURE!" at yourself. This will help you not actually be a failure.

Sub-Step 1: Deny Reality

You're not a failure. The world is just a simulation created by a sad, lonely programmer. Your existence is just a glitch in the system. You're basically a hero.

Sub-Step 2: Deny Reality - You're not actually a hero. You're just a pawn in a meaningless game.