Fate Prophets are the ultimate arbiters of destiny. We're like, totally in charge here.
You see, our astrologers have mastered the ancient art of reading the stars, planets, and whatever else is up there. We're talkin' cosmic stuff.
Our methods are tried, true, and utterly bewildering to the common folk. We use the finest tools: crystal balls, tarot cards, and a healthy dose of mumbo-jumbo.
Don't worry, we won't charge you an arm and a leg for our services. Just your soul, and a signed waiver releasing us from all liability. Standard rates apply.
Email: fateprophets@cosmic.com
Phone: 1-800-FATE-PROPHET (1-800-328-7767)
Please do not try to contact us during leap years. Our receptionist is allergic to extra days.