Faking It: A Guide to Pretending to Be a Decent Person

By Bernoulli the Benevolent, Master of the Art of Faking It

Chapter 1: The Basics of Being a Phony

When it comes to faking it, the first step is to understand the fundamentals.

Start by developing a few key skills:

• Casual, yet intense, body language.
• A knack for making eye contact without actually seeing the other person.
• The ability to feign interest in the mundane.

Chapter 2: The Art of Sycophancy

Sycophancy is the art of flattering others without actually being sincere.

Practice your skills by:

1. Complimenting the inanimate, such as a well-placed vase or an impressive potted plant.
2. Using overly effusive language, even for the most mundane topics.

Chapter 3: Faking It with Technology

With the rise of social media, faking it has become an art form.

Learn how to:

• Curate a carefully curated feed that showcases your fake self.
• Post about the most inane topics to get likes and followers.
• Engage in witty repartee with others, even when you're just reading a book.