Deciding on the Right Coffee Machine for Your Dreams

It's time to upgrade your morning routine with the most efficient, the most stylish, the most utterly bewildering coffee machine on the market.

After careful consideration, we've narrowed it down to three finalists:

The "Scream of the Coffee Gods" - A behemoth of a machine that'll make you wonder if you're actually a coffee-making robot

The "Coffee Conqueror" - A behemoth of a machine that'll make you question the very fabric of reality

The "Brew-tanical" - A sleek, modern machine that'll make you feel like a functioning member of society

Which one will you choose? The world may never know.

But seriously, which one do you want to read about? Read the analysis

Or, if you're feeling extra brave, check the ratings

(Or just give us some feedback on your experience)