The Lonely Decision Tree: A Guide for the Chronically Alone

You're alone, and you want to stay that way. Congratulations! Here's a decision tree to help you make the most of it:

• Should I Get a Puppy? - The classic "get a pet to talk to" decision.
• Should I Join a Clique? - Because who needs actual friends, anyway?
• Should I Buy a Videogame? - To fill the void with virtual companions.
• Should I Start a Blogging Career? - Because the world needs more of your opinions.

And if you're really stuck, just throw in the towel already.