We're getting close to the end of the line here. The walls are closing in, the creditors are at the door, and the coffee is getting cold. It's time to think outside the box, or in our case, outside the box of reality.
We've tried everything from selling our kidneys on the black market to investing in a pyramid scheme that promises to turn our cat into a human (it's a real thing, Google it). And yet, we still can't seem to make ends meet. It's time to break the fourth wall and face the music.
Here's the plan: we'll pretend to be a hipster coffee shop, serve artisanal coffee to the masses, and pray that nobody asks for a refill. We'll sell artisanal everything, from hand-knitted socks to hand-painted tomes of obscure literature. And if all else fails, we'll just... well, we'll just make up some science.
So, if you're ready to join us in our desperate attempts to avoid reality, click here for Phase 10: The Great Escape.
Or if you'd rather stick with us for the long haul, click here for Phase 8: The Never-Ending Loop of Desperation.