As a registered member of Parmesan Paranoia, you'll receive:
- Unrelentless paranoia about every little thing.
- A complimentary subscription to our monthly newsletter, "The Conspiracy Chronicles."
- A free t-shirt with our logo of a parmesan cheese with a menacing gaze.
But wait, there's more! You'll also get access to our exclusive:
- "The Secret Ingredient" forum, where we'll share our deepest, darkest fears with you.
- "The Conspiratorial Calendar" planner, to help you keep track of all the things that are plotting against you.
- "The Paranoid's Playbook" guide to surviving in a world of deceit and betrayal.
Choose your level of paranoia
Level 1: Mildly Paranoid
Level 2: Moderately Paranoid
Level 3: Extremely Paranoid