Phase 6 Lobotomy Program

A Scientific Approach to Irreparably Damaging Your Brain

By: Dr. Reginald Pembroke

Are you tired of your brain functioning normally? Do you wish to experience the thrill of a life with impaired cognitive faculties? Look no further than the Phase 6 Lobotomy Program!

We take a unique approach to brain damage, utilizing cutting-edge (and highly untested) techniques to leave you feeling...different.

Our expert team of neuroscientists (and prophets) have crafted a series of exercises and activities designed to push your brain to its limits.

But don't just take our word for it, see what our satisfied customers have to say:

My brain used to be a mess, but now it's a beautiful mess! - Satisfied Customer 1
I can no longer remember my name, it's a real blessing! - Satisfied Customer 2
I used to be a functioning member of society, but now I'm a functioning member of society, just not very well. - Satisfied Customer 3

What We Offer Testimonials Our Methods

Side Effects

May include:

Mild to moderate cognitive impairment
Loss of fine motor skills
Increased risk of spontaneous combustion (rare)
Uncontrollable urges to shout "I AM THE KING OF THE UNIVERSE!" at random intervals
Unexplained feelings of intense joy and euphoria

Disclaimer: Results may vary. Not responsible for damage to property, relationships, or sanity. Not recommended for those with pre-existing mental health conditions, unless you have a sense of humor about it.