The Snacking Retirement Plan

It's time to face the music, folks. Your snacking habits have caught up with you. You can no longer ignore the evidence of last night's Cheetos stains on your shirt.

Step 1: Acknowledge the Problem

Step 2: Stock Your Pantry with Bland, Non-Indulgent Foods

Step 3: Cut Back on Snack Freedom

Step 4: Develop New Hobbies (Besides Eating)

Step 5: Attend a Self-Improvement Seminar (Optional, But Seriously, Who Doesn't Love a Free Lunch)