KING GEORGE I, THE SNORER

BY THE POWERS VESTED IN ME, KING GEORGE I, THE SNORER, I HEREBY DECLARE:

That all subjects shall take their snoring as a sacred duty.
That those who do not snore at the minimum of 3 decibels per night shall be subject to royal disfavor.
That snore-themed merchandise shall be worn on all state occasions.

Done at Westminster, 17th of April, 1701.