Ignoring Your Spouse: A Guide

You know the old saying: "Absence makes the heart grow stronger, or is that just what you tell yourself after ignoring your spouse for three days straight?"

In all seriousness, ignoring your spouse can be a great way to recharge, reflect, and rediscover the person you're living with. Just be sure to leave a trail of cryptic notes and unopened mail to avoid suspicion.

For the best results, try ignoring your spouse in the following stages:

Stage 1: Denial

• Act like you're busy when they ask to talk.
• Change the subject whenever they bring it up.
• Develop a sudden interest in the couch cushions.

Stage 2: Distraction

Distract your spouse with something else, like:

• Binge-watching their favorite show.
• Playing a game of "who can eat the most ice cream."
• Getting sucked into a vortex of cat videos.

Remember, the key is to be consistent and not make eye contact.

If you're feeling particularly adventurous, try:

Stage 3: Deflection

Turn the tables and start asking your spouse questions.

• "What's wrong with you?"
• "Are you okay?"
• "Did you just ignore me on purpose?"

This stage is not for the faint of heart, but it's a great way to level the playing field.

For further reading, see our subpages:

• Advanced Ignoring Techniques
• Ignoring in Public: The Ultimate Test of Will