Only those who receive a cryptic, hand-delivered invitation in a dead drop will be considered for initiation. No exceptions.
Look for the symbol of the society: a small, intricately carved stone with a wonky wonk wonk in the center.
Do not try to replicate the wonk wonk wonk. You will fail.
Repeat the Pledge of Allegiance to the Society's Patron Deity (a.k.a. "The Wonky Wonk"): "I promise to wear a fedora to all meetings, no matter the weather, and to never, ever, EVER speak of the Society's true purpose."
Sign the Oath of Secrecy in your own, illegible handwriting. The Society's scribes will verify your signature with a black light.
Failure to produce a valid Oath signature will result in... unpleasantness.
Learn about the Secret Handshake, a crucial part of the initiation process.
Discover the art of Whispering in the Dark, a vital skill for any society member.
Find out how to feign interest in others' mundane activities.
Once initiated, you will be assigned a First Assignment, designed to test your loyalty, wit, and ability to wear a fedora in the rain.
Failure to complete the First Assignment will result in... reassignment.