1 cup of disappointment
1 cup of regret
1 cup of despair
1/4 cup of false hope
1/4 cup of crippling debt
1/4 cup of existential dread
1 tablespoon of desperation
1 teaspoon of impending doom
Mix all ingredients together in a large bowl of despair.
Stir counterclockwise for 17 minutes while whispering "why me?"
Pour into a pit of regret.
Stir clockwise for 13 minutes while contemplating the meaninglessness of life.
Serve immediately, garnished with a side of self-loathing.