Phase Two Technologies: Because Phase One Was a Disaster

We've taken the best parts of Phase One and made them worse. Our new technologies are more complicated, more expensive, and more prone to spontaneous combustion.

Introducing:

• Phase Two Communication - A way to send messages that will take 30 minutes to send, but will arrive with a 50% chance of being misinterpreted.
• Phase Two Security - A system that will lock you out of your account for no reason at all.
• Phase Two Administration - Because who needs clear, concise policies, really?

And that's not all. Our new technologies come with a range of exciting features, including:

• A 50% chance of unexpected reboots
• A 20% chance of randomly deleting important files
• And a 100% chance of making you question every life choice you've ever made