1. You must wear our shirts in public at all times, or else you will be shunned by society.

2. You must wash your shirt by hand, using only the finest Italian olive oil and a toothbrush.

3. If you wear our shirt to the beach, you must wear a pair of Versace sunglasses to protect your eyes from the harsh glare of your own ego.

4. You must never, ever, wear our shirt with a pair of sweatpants. That's just not how it's done.

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