Decree 1, Subsection 1.12: The Officially Unofficial Guide

Subsection 1.12 of the great Decree 1: a place where the most obscure and esoteric details of our glorious nation are codified.

This subsection is responsible for regulating the proper way to tie one's shoes. Yes, you read that right. We're talking about the intricacies of lacing up one's footwear.

According to Decree 1, subsection 1.12, article 3, paragraph 7, section 2, the recommended method for tying one's shoes is as follows:

1. Begin by holding the shoelaces in your non-dominant hand.
2. Create a bunny ear with one lace and hold it captive in your dominant hand.
3. Use the other lace to wrap around the first lace in a figure-eight motion.
4. Make another bunny ear and hold it in your dominant hand.
5. Wrap the first lace around the second bunny ear.
6. Tighten both laces to create a secure knot.

And that's it! Now you know the secrets of subsection 1.12. Go forth and tie your shoes like a pro!