DEFEND AGAINST CAT ATTACKS

You've woken up to find your house has been invaded by cats. Their cute, furry faces are everywhere, and their judgmental stares are piercing through your soul.

It's time to defend against these whiskered menaces. Here are some tips to help you survive the Great Feline Uprising.

• Build a cat fence around your living room. The higher, the better.
• Stock up on catnip-infused coffee. Trust us, it's a game-changer.
• Install cat-sized revolving doors. It's a great way to confuse them.
• Call in the professionals: Hire a team of highly-trained, ninja-like cat wranglers. They'll have your back (and your sanity).
• Learn cat-fu. It's like karate, but with more hairballs.

Remember, cats are not just cute little balls of fluff. They're highly trained operatives, hell-bent on world domination. Don't say we didn't warn you.