Welcome to the Caffeine Injection Station, where we pump you full of caffeine so you can pretend to be a functioning member of society.
Our highly trained staff of narcoleptic technicians will inject you with a precise amount of caffeine, calculated based on your current level of exhaustion.
Side effects may include, but are not limited to:
- Increased productivity (temporarily)
- Exacerbated anxiety
- Uncontrollable twitching
Frequently Asked Questions
Why Not to Inject Caffeine
Are you one of those people who thinks they can handle a little too much caffeine? Newsflash: You Can't.
Our highly trained staff of shrinks has seen it all, and we can tell you that excessive caffeine consumption will only lead to:
- Insomnia
- Tremors
- Uncontrollable rage
Our Methods
We use a patented, highly unrefined system involving:
- Shots of espresso
- Caffeine-laced IV fluids
- Stimulants
Our Staff
Meet our team of highly trained, slightly narcoleptic technicians.
They are experts in the fields of caffeine injection, existential dread, and the fine art of pretending to be awake.