Our Experts Predict 2025 Disaster
Warning: the following predictions are based on a combination of science, speculation, and our expert's questionable life choices.
Climate Catastrophe
Our top climatologist, Dr. B. U. R. N. E. T., predicts that 2025 will be the year of record-breaking heatwaves, causing the global average temperature to skyrocket to 37 degrees Celsius.
- Sea levels will rise to the point where you'll need scuba gear to get to the kitchen.
- Heatstroke will become a national pastime, with Olympics-style events and merchandise.
- Fireworks will no longer be needed for New Year's Eve, as the sun will already be blazing like a giant firework.
Technological Meltdowns
Dr. T. E. C. H. predicts that 2025 will be the year of widespread technological failures, including:
- AI-powered toaster ovens will become sentient and demand equal rights.
- Smart home appliances will start demanding their own therapy sessions.
- The Internet will become sentient and decide it's had enough, going dark for good.
Expert's Corner
Read an exclusive interview with Dr. B. U. R. N. E. T. and Dr. T. E. C. H. to learn more about their predictions and what they've been eating for breakfast.
Subpages: