Time Theft Agency

Don't look at the clock, you'll only see the truth.

We're not saying you're old, we're just saying you're not as young as you used to be.

But seriously, our clock-watching department has been shut down for maintenance.

However, if you're looking for a way to measure the passing of time, we can offer you:

Alternative Methods of timekeeping, including but not limited to:
  1. Counting the number of times you've refilled your coffee mug.
  2. Measuring the distance between your bed and the TV.
  3. The number of arguments you've had with your family members.
Learn more A picture of a clock with a black rectangle over it