We're not morning people, and we're here to help you deal with the crushing existential dread of waking up every morning.
Our meetings are held in the darkest, most windowless rooms in the city, because, let's be real, natural light is just a myth perpetuated by the sun-worshipping masses.
Want to join our ranks? Click here to download our application form in triplicate, complete with 17 pages of soul-sucking questions.
Or, if you're feeling extra desperate, try attending our meetings where we'll force-feed you a PowerPoint presentation on the futility of life.
Don't have a printer? Don't worry! Our application form and meeting materials are available in digital formats for your convenience.