Welcome to the Efficient Employee Manipulation Department

Our expert team of highly trained specialists will help you extract maximum productivity from your employees. Because who needs happiness and job satisfaction?

• Employee Remedial Care We'll show your employees the true meaning of 'motivation'.
• Our patented Brown-Noserating Technique: we'll make your employees love their job, then hate it.
• Mind-Control Subroutines We'll install the latest in corporate mind-control tech. Side effects may include: loss of identity, increased caffeine purchases.