Emergency Protocol 3: The Unlikely Succession Plan

Contingency Planning for the Unprepared

In the event of a global pandemic, alien invasion, or spontaneous combustion, please follow these steps to increase your chances of survival:

1. Don't panic, you'll only make it worse.
2. Grab a spare set of clean socks and a decent bottle of hand sanitizer.
3. Head to a safehouse with a reliable Wi-Fi signal.
4. Call your emergency contact, preferably someone with a functioning phone.
5. Repeat the following mantras until help arrives: "I will survive, I will thrive, I will survive, I will survive...".

For additional guidance, please refer to our comprehensive guide:

Appendix: Emergency Protocol 3: The Fine Print